We were driving on I-70 when my Mom saw the billboard for the Churchill Memorial in Fulton, MO. I told her what I knew about the “Iron Curtain” speech; the American experience during the Cold War; the radiation drills; famous videos of kids hiding under their desks; even the fallout shelters in Kansas City.
Recently your generosity helped finance some worthwhile and other projects. Your giving hearts and open wallets gave a much-needed hand-up to several budding entrepreneurs so they can continue to make this city better, funner, more exciting place to live.
This is why I find it appropriate to ask you once again for a small donation. I am not asking for myself, I am asking for all of us. We all know that Kansas City is one pig truck away from the big leagues.
With the pig truck cruising our streets and highways we will finally join the ranks of trend-setting metropolises such as Seattle, Los Angeles, Chicago and, dare I say it, Omaha. With the pig truck of our own, you will finally be able to proudly say: “I am from Kansas City” without having to listen to the laundry list of the things we don’t have from Trader Joe’s to the In-N-Out.
Isn’t pride worth just a few of your dollars? How much do you love your city? Donating money to the pig truck fund is like stuffing dollar bills into a stripper’s thong so she can graduate from the law school and finally take her rightful place in the society – doing the same thing but with the clothes on.
But wait, there is more. Unlike some other cities where a similar pig truck may exist, the Kansas City version will not be serving food. I will be just driving it around town. This will make it the first ever ironic food truck, leaving the other cities in the junk pile of backwardness and unhipness.
Here is how this is going to work: every donation will be rewarded.
Less than $10 – you will be allowed to wash the truck on the first-come-first-served basis.
$10-$50 – unlimited photos in front of the truck for you and your friends. (photos not included)
$50-$100 – you will be allowed to climb on/in the snout area and take a photo. (photos and liability not included)
$100-$1,000 – one ride to/from work limited to 25 miles for you and 5 of your friends and family members. 2 honks oinks will be allowed during the ride at the time of your choosing.
$1,000-$10,000 – one 50-mile round-trip to the location of your choice, pictures, truck-wash and unlimited use of the honk oink.
$50,000 – you will be given full use of the vehicle for one (1) night with no driving privileges. You will receive “We Did It Piggy-Style” framed certificate upon emerging from the truck. Your future child will appreciate an autographed framed photo of you in front of the truck with the caption “You were conceived in a pig”. (condoms, STD treatments and liability not included. Maximum 3 persons.)
Other prized can be arranged.
Only your generosity can save the future and the prestige of this city. Your dollars will propel us ahead of all the places who now have the audacity to look down on us.
Send your donations:
c/o #kcpigmobile to the email address on this site.
When I post the old photos from the Life Magazine Archives my secret hope is to hear from real people who either recognize a person, a place or an episode shown in the picture. For the most part the photos are not that old, so finding an eyewitness is not that far-fetched.
I was excited to hear from the grandson of Max Jaben, one of the people photographed for the Kansas City Crime series.
Making up Civella’s inner circle were; brother Cork, nephew “Tony Ripe”, gambler Max Jaben, and enforcer Carl “Tuffy” DeLuna. On the fringes was a powerful Capo named William “Willy the Rat” Cammisano, who headed a semi-autonomous crew in the vein of the Riccobene faction in Philly or the Licatas in Cleveland. Nick and Cork and Max Jaben became charter members of the first edition of Nevada’s “Black Book” in 1960.
I’ve been clipping copying these ads from the old Life magazines for a long time and, chances are, you might have seen some of them on my Facebook and Twitter accounts. The ads are just as neat and interesting as the actual content of the old magazines; nowadays some of them would be considered racist, sexist or both, but it doesn’t make them any less of a historic record of their epoch; they were perfectly acceptable at the time and they make the progress much more obvious. Makes, models, shapes, prices long forgotten; “amazing auto-pilots” and cars “for women drivers” – you won’t see ads like these in the magazines of today. I thought I’d share a few ads on this blog in a somewhat organized manner. The first installment will be about cars, but I am planning to follow up with food and other things. These ads are in no particular order since I was too lazy to make a not of the year and issue.
