The winning entry used every Russian-sounding word in known in America:
Boris Badenoff’s Borscht Breast Ointment.
Amazing Russian borscht breast enhancement ointment. Developed by doctor Boris Badenoff. After 20 applications the breast on the right is a C cup-ski, while the left breast which received a placebo is a paltry A cup-ski.
Contains a proprietary blend of Vodka, Beets and Chernobyl spring water.
Congratulations, Sir! Please email me your mailing address to receive your prize.
Chimpo is the runner up with the following entry:
Nothing soothes my soul after a long day at the office like a raw slice of potato dunked in some warm breast milk.
He qualified for the consolation prize: a 4-pack of Hoover Vacuum Bags of Type A (captures microscopic particles). Please email me to receive your prize.
The real caption on the poster is hard to translate.
Large letters at the top say: “Did you take care of your breasts?”. The sentence below translates “Temper your nipples by washing them with cold water daily”. I don’t know why you should “temper” your nipples, but thanks for playing.