I think I mentioned before that due to the absence of any marital status once in awhile I look at personal ads online. I never respond for many reasons, the most important one is that I am too cheap to pay for the dating site membership. Nevertheless, I am a voyeur like most people (some just don’t like to admit it) and checking out dating sites fulfills my desire to peek into someone else’s life.
I do see myself in the mirror almost every day, so I am consent with the fact that I am in no position to criticize anyone or fault any woman for posting a certain ad. However, after reading many of these some ideas come to mind.

  1. After reading first 10 ads you can always tell a canned ad or an ad copied from someone else. Recognizing an entire line or a paragraph totally turns me off. The ad is supposed to be personal , I’d like to know who you are, you can’t use Cliff’s Notes to fill it in.
  2. If your ad contains a name of any sport team I stop reading right there. So if your ad is titled “Chiefs Fan” I stop reading after the letter ‘s’. Being a fan is cool, I don’t really care, but if it’s your identity then you have a problem.
  3. If your ad states that your best feature is your ..insert your best feature here… i.e your eyes, I lose interest. I have a pair of beautiful blue eyes, curly hair, long (stunning) eye lashes and a nice pair of breasts (can’t really tell the size). I guess you can have all that and still be weird-looking and not even a woman. To interest me you have to be smart and you are obviously not.
  4. If your ad says that you like long walks on the beach, look around – you are in frigging Kansas City, it’s more like long walks to the beach. I know it sounds romantic but it’s not. Nothing is worse than pretending to be romantic just to take advantage of me.
  5. If you call yourself a BBW make sure that you are deserving of the title. More than likely you are not.
  6. I enjoy looking at pictures of women I’ll never date and even various chopped-off parts of their ex-spouses/boyfriends. Someday this could be a part of my head, or three of my fingers, or my arm around you mercilessly hacked-off at the shoulder. Have you no decency Photoshop? Maybe someone should respond something like “this arm around you looks very sexy, can I get his number so I can see what the rest of him looks like?”

In the end, who am I to judge. You clearly had some balls to put yourself out there for clowns like me to make fun of, so you are already ahead of me. Anyway, everyone knows blogging is better than dating, otherwise I’d be doing the latter, and I am obviously doing the former. Some day there will be a perfect ad for me. Until then, I am a Chiefs Fan whose best feature is his eyes, I love long walks on and off the beach and I can fold fitted sheets with the best.