Johnson County Improves Bus Service To Spite Itself

Every child in Johnson County, KS knows that bus is bad. Our relationship with the bus service ends on the first day we are able to get a driver’s license and our fine-leather-clad feet never step through a bus door again. From there on, our asses are firmly planted in the leather seats of overpriced imported cars which are mandatory in Johnson County. Once in a while we see a bus on a street or a highway and we give its invisible passengers the same look a person gives to a plumber who is about to go elbow-deep into a full toilet bowl. We distrust party buses, avoid shuttles, shun trolleys and only begrudgingly use charter buses but only when no one we know can see us.

All that said, why are we investing over $50 million into improving the bus service?

The answer is simple – pain. We experience so much pleasure in Johnson County that the only thing that can make our lives more exciting is pain.

These bus terminals are the clamps of the nipples of Johnson County.

We already have all the restaurants and stores we could possibly want; we have an IKEA coming; we stole all the jobs from across the border; and it’s 75 degrees and sunny here year round (there is a special JoCo weather forecast that the rest of you don’t get to see so you don’t feel bad about your own weather). Our gasoline contains at least 10% of finely shredded hundred dollar bills; there is a wine faucet in every house; and there is a free 3-d porn channel available with or without demand. Oh, and there are no hipsters.

Our pleasure centers are overloaded so we build something we hate just so we can feel again.

I mean we could roll $50 million into fireworks and shoot them, but we actually like fireworks. Building up a much-hated bus service seems like the most reasonable and economical solution at this time.

If this doesn’t work, we might try light rail.

*this post is based on materials found in local press and blogs

Published by kcmeesha

From the bowels of the communist Motherland thrust into soulless grind of gears of capitalism. Only accent and good looks survive.