When something happens to me:
You are hereby released from: keeping me in your thoughts and prayers; thinking of me; having me in your hearts and minds; sending good vibes my way; thinking good thoughts; praying for me; sending condolences; purchasing a plant; sending a souvenir bible; sending virtual hugs; re-tweeting someone else’s messages so he/she donates $1 to whatever cause in my name; observing a moment of silence; changing your Facebook status for one hour; unplugging your computer; making a donation; typing a sad smiley face; sending a card; and any other form of fake compassion.
You are hereby allowed: to make jokes about me; talk bad about me; remember all the things you didn’t like about me; dance on my grave (square/line dancing excluded); and do anything else you feel like doing. Having a drink for me is also allowed.
In case someone admonishes you for doing these things, a printed form of this post should serve as a formal written permission.