Is It A Fork In Your Screen, Or You Just Wanted To Screw Me?

0401_hdr1Recently I watched a blogger video review of the AMC Fork &Screen that was so exuberant that in the end I was expecting the author to kneel down and have a “sexy time” with the person who gave him a free ticket. In the end he announced that AMC knows how to handle the “social media” (obviously by giving away free tickets to bloggers and twitterers). Since I am not a member of any media, here is my “Top Ten Reasons I Don’t Like Fork & Screen” unadulterated by freebies and special treatment:

  1. You don’t have a choice of seating if your movie is shown only in the Fork &Screen section.
  2. You are FORCED to buy $5 worth of food.
  3. Hardly anything on the overpriced menu is under $5.
  4. The lights never go off, which you wouldn’t normally tolerate.
  5. Because the lights are always on, you can’t make out with your date, unless you want to become the center of attention.
  6. You cannot lift the armrest to get closer to your date.
  7. Servers walk around during the movie, which would be frowned upon in the normal theater.
  8. You can hear leather seats squeak and other people eat.
  9. Tables obstruct the view of the bottom of the screen (where subtitles may be shown) unless you are over 6 feet tall or sit straight up at all times.
  10. Higher d-bag -to- normal person ratio than in regular seating areas.

In the future, on the rare occasions I am actually going to the movie theater I will avoid Fork & Screen which is neither about a “fork” nor a “screen”. It combines marginal movie-watching experience with mediocre overpriced food.

You, however, may like the place if you

  • use words such as “ambiance” and “atmosphere” in reference to restaurants and other venues.
  • prefer Whole Foods, Target and Starbucks to Walmart, Walmart and …Walmart.
  • wear a beret to a French movie and refer to the movie as “cinema”.