Effective Cell Phone Legislation

Missouri is considering a law restricting cell phone use while driving.

I’d like to submit my proposal for the legislation:

If a person is stuck in traffic behind a cell phone user who is:

  • driving erratically
  • unreasonably slow
  • fails to signal
  • slows down a mile before the actual traffic congestion
  • otherwise subjects other drivers to danger

said person is automatically protected by law from any charges resulting from the grievance resolution process which may include but is not limited to the actions listed below:

  • cutting off phone user
  • forcing him to stop
  • removing him from the cabin
  • inflicting bodily damage
  • retrieving his cell phone
  • inserting the cell phone in any available orifice
  • performing other educational activities and
  • teaching an abridged course on safe driving

The law affords protection therein for a period of 15 minutes. After the specified period everyone is on their own.