Sunday Prayer

Dear Lord,
I know I said I don’t believe in you many, many times. And it’s true. I am one of those stubborn hard-to-convince people who want to see some proof, or facts, or at least a small-to-a-medium miracle. But then I thought I am not being fair to you, Lord, by not giving you a chance, so here is the list of people I’d like you to strike down and I promise to show up wherever you want me to be – synagogue or a church on the nearest day of prayer and, I know it’s hard to believe, contribute money to your urgent needs. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want those people dead or hurt, well, maybe some of them; I just want you to send them a sign that they are doing something wrong in this life and they should stop or the next time your lightening bolt won’t miss them by three feet.

Please, Lord, make a believer out of me:

  • Tracy Thomas – a local marketer who specializes in annoying radio commercials.
  • Ray Vincent – who won’t shut up about low mortgage rates.
  • Ted Heater with CarSmart who always needs to sell an odd number of cars by an arbitrary deadline.
  • People who make commercials rewording Christmas songs.
  • Any business with the word “granny” in its name.
  • People who slow down the passing lane on the highway every morning and afternoon.
  • People who play Christmas music at work and don’t use headphones.
  • People over the age of 8 who use the words “yummy” and “nom”.
  • People who stay home when it snows and tell everyone else how they are excited to see it.
  • This one person at wredacted.
  • Seems like this list should be much longer, just take a guess.

Lord, I will be here waiting impatiently for any reports of you performing these small and, I am sure, effortless for you miracles in the near future.

Yours, hopefully heathen for not much longer,