Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Don’t Wanna Commit, So Here Are Some For You

 I bet you didn’t know that I am also trained in classic poetry. Everyone and their brother (and sister) wrote today about their disdain for the Valentine’s Day. With a small exception of a couple of guys who claim to be happily in love (AKA delusional) and, therefore, don’t need a special day to proclaim their feelings, most people have various degrees of dislike for this holiday. I don’t like it either. It gives women unreasonable expectations of being pampered, dined and showered with gifts. And it unleashes unreasonable pain and suffering on men. Whether you are one of the poor schmucks looking lost in the middle of Victoria’s Secret or standing outside the jewelry store, wondering if one one-thousands of a carat diamond is visible without a microscope, or trying to guess if she will notice the difference between the roses from a large tent for $9.95 and a fancy florist for ninety nine dollars, you are doomed. But like a salmon swimming upstream to die, you are headed to the mall again to give this another shot. At least salmon has an excuse, they don’t live to teach the lesson to the next generation. What’s your excuse? You went through this crap last year, and a year before and every year since you figured out that girls have something you want and they don’t easily give it up. How much longer before the reality sinks in?

This year I didn’t have to suffer too much. Hard to believe how much you can say with a Rose Bouquet from Costco. It’s not forever, so it will not be added to a collection of mementos from failed relationships. It’s not expensive so it shows that I am frugal cheap and gives a hint where all the future presents will come from. But more than anything else it screams “No Commitment” and that’s the best $14.99 I’ve spent on any Valentine’s day.

Valentine’s- Schmalentines,
Some cheap flowers from Costco,
That should do it.