• Care And Safety of Women While Camping

    Care and safety of women during camping trips is an important subject that’s often overlooked. If your woman looks good, other men will try to steal her away from you. She may also use the outdoors, your relaxed state and heavy alcohol intake to escape. There are multiple other dangers lurking in the seemingly peaceful wooded and lake areas. To avoid potential pitfalls it’s best to tie your woman to a heavy unmovable object such as a tree or a post:

    The type of the knot you use is very important: some women are crafty and will untie an easy knot before you know it. Remember your boyscout years; here is some detail from the photo above:

    If you have a young child, place him on a tree with the rifle in clear view of your woman as an extra precaution:

    After your woman is secured you can finally proceed to do what camping is really all about: getting drunk, ogling other untied women and trying not to lose your brand new boat.

    This safety tip was brought to you by:

    Truck Antlers: Don’t Be A Schmuck, Turn You Truck Into A Buck!

    Additional financing by:
    Giant Fish-Looking Mailboxes: Who Is A Pussy Now?  I Am Talking To You, You God Damn Mailman Son-Of-A-Bitch!

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  • Personal Recollections Of The Terrible Kansas Blizzard of 1886

    We interrupt our tropical coverage to bring you this gripping account of the Blizzard of 1886 (or as we call it in present “Tuesday”)

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  • Old Photos: One Day In Life Of Kansas Farm Boy

    Here are some photos featuring Kansas farm boy – Dan Gardner taken in June, 1947.

    Here we see Dan in front of some kind of pre-historic computer.

    Kansas Farm Boy, Dan Gardner in his room seated at his desk with 4-H club ribbons awarded to him on his many projects.

    Kansas Farm Boy, Dan Gardner in his room seated at his desk with 4-H club ribbons awarded to him on his many projects. © Time Inc. Wallace Kirkland

    Farmer Boy Dan Gardner with roan Shorthorn and Hereford (white faced).© Time Inc. Wallace Kirkland

    Farmer Boy Dan Gardner with baby calf. © Time Inc. Wallace Kirkland

    Before the scientists figured out the evil formula for the hog feed, hogs were fed skim milk and Oreo cookies.

    Kansas Farm Boy Dan Gardner feeding a mixture of his and his father's hogs skim milk.© Time Inc. Wallace Kirkland

    Late dinner with the family, the clock shows 7:50PM.

    Kansas Farm Boy, Dan Gardner having meal with his parents.© Time Inc. Wallace Kirkland

    Malted milk – the gateway drink to other malted beverages.

    Kansas Farm Boy, Dan Gardner (2R) with friends in drug store having malted milk.© Time Inc. Wallace Kirkland

    After a cup of malted milk, the only thing you want is some square-dancing. The kid seated next to the door looks like he is doing community service, the girl standing on the right stuck her tongue out; must be thirsty for some of that milk.

    Kansas Farm Boy, Dan Gardner (center) at 4-H square dance.

    Kansas Farm Boy, Dan Gardner (center) at 4-H square dance.© Time Inc. Wallace Kirkland

    Kansas Farm Boy, Dan Gardner in his room seated at his desk with 4-H club ribbons awarded to him on his many projects.© Time Inc. Wallace Kirkland

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  • Here Chef, There Chef, Everywhere Chef, Chef

    The second most annoying trend in food writing after using the repulsive word “foodie” is overusing the word “Chef”. If everyone who just happened to be in a kitchen is considered a chef, then real chefs need to come up with a different work description. Apparently I am in a minority with this opinion and here is the proof – a screenshot of a recent episode of Hell’s Kitchen.

    Introducing J – the Food Court Chef:

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  • The West in The Soviet Caricature: Libya Edition

    What I miss in the American foreign policy lately is the pizzaz; intricate covert plots; cleverly planned fully deniable coups; propaganda wars; spy-driven assassinations worthy of a Robert Ludlum novel; secret service dirty deals a la Iran Contra; mind-blowing, daring, underhanded activities that we usually expect from our multiple secret operations.

    Instead, we see mostly ham-handed, simple-minded, anti-creative, doomed from the start, mindbogglingly expensive, unpopular foreign policies, that, until now, only George W.Bush was capable of producing, approving and implementing. Now, in what can be safely called Bush’s third term, we are bombing Libya while producing the lamest kind of bullshit statements to justify it.

    I’d like to point out that I am not a pacifist by any means. I just like our reasons for bombing other countries to be little less obvious. And if you believe that we are “protecting civilians” over there, I have a Red Square for sale.

    Continuing with my earlier post about the Soviet caricature, this set of drawings refers to oil-stimulated activities.

    Scene at the (oil) fountain in Greenland.

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