Road Trip Science

During my recent road trip to Hutchinson, KS I have measured and recorded the following data:

Insect Population of The State of Kansas

Insect Population of The State of Kansas

Insect Suicide in The State of Kansas

Insect Suicide in The State of Kansas

Insect Mass On My Windshield

Insect Mass On My Windshield

Visibility Through The Widshield

Visibility Through The Widshield

The data shows that my windshield captures and destroys more insects than the entire output of the Monsanto Corporation.

For a small payment I will drive around your farm or garden to make it insect-free. My contact information is posted on this site.

  • I would hire you to drive around my bedroom to get rid of all the mosquitoes (most of the Israeli ones gather in my bedroom, screens notwithstanding), but there are a few logistic issues.

    Saying this: yeah, I remember driving during summertime in Colorado, when every few miles we had to stop and try to clean up at least a small hole in the thick layer of dead bugs to be able to continue. Yeech…. 

  • I didn’t realize there were mosquitoes in Israel. Very disappointing.

  • There weren’t any before I arrived. They just follow me. I am the mosquitoes’ deity. And food supplier.

  • Noble Rot

    Insect in Kansas are known to be emotionally unstable. When they see you’re depressing jalopy coming down the road, they become despondent and commit insecticide.

    • I don’t know why, I drive a Ford, not some foreign-made clunker 

  • Noble Rot

    Also, my grandmother used to call the bugs that hit the windshield “Synagogue Bugs” … because when they hit the windshield, they become converted into juice (Jews).

    • Old people say the darnedest things. I used to work with an old guy who truly expanded my vocabulary in the areas it was lacking.