Most religions start with some kind of revelation. Some guy while walking in the woods finds golden plates, next thing you know, two scmucks are knocking on your door asking strange questions. An old man walks to the top of the mountain, comes down with a couple of stone tablets, next thing you know I have to feel bad about eating bacon. A guy gets crucified, next thing you know….
I may be on to something too. Lately, I started noticing that Dove Chocolate Promises contain unlimited supply of chocolate wisdom and life directives. After eating several bags of chocolates I now have enough wrappers to cover most of life’s questions and daily matters.
The Promises can be divided into two categories: wisdom and directives.
Directives:
Go to your special place
Go against the grain
Send a love letter this week
Don’t think about it so much
Follow your instincts
Whisper in the dark
Live your dreams
Wink at someone driving past today
Smile. People will wonder what you’ve been up to
Love without rules
Discover yourself
Watch reruns, they replay your memories
Wisdom:
It’s definitely a bubble-bath day
There is a time for compromise…it’s called “later”
Sometimes one smile means more than a dozen roses
Age is nothing but a number
If they can do it, you know you can
When two hearts race both win
Temptation is fun…giving in is even better
These pearls can be combined in an infinite number of ways. Try it:
Don’t think about it so much+Go to your special place+Discover yourself
See, it’s like a higher power telling you what to do.
OK, I am back from my “special place” where I just “discovered myself” and I am “smiling” so “people will wonder what I’ve been up to”. Get it?
I am on my quest to eat more Dove Promises to finally discover the secret of life. I found out that I can actually order my own Promises with old stand-by’s like “don’t pee against the wind” or “don’t eat yellow snow”.
Starting in 1954 the Sugar Information, Inc. published ads in the Life Magazine and others promoting the health and weight-loss benefits of sugar. Of course in the 1950’s the sugar was delicious, healthy and local, not the corporate white death we have to eat today. Girls used it for an energy boost during a long school day; women used it for dieting so they can look good on the beach; men used it for penis enlargement …well, ads didn’t actually mention men so no one knows what they used it for.
I want that America back. Free of disgusting diet drinks and sugar-free Jell-O. Where sugar slimmed you down instead of making you fat. Where sugar cured diabetes and cancer. Where you could eat a teaspoon of sugar to keep you from getting hungry between other teaspoons of sugar. I want this awesome America back.
That’s why I will be voting for Ron Paul in November even if he is not on the ballot and I am not registered to vote.
