Guilt

Some people are born good-looking, some people are born smart, others are born talented. I was born with giant guilt. Giant guilt is probably the main theme of my life. Giant guilt makes people marry the first girl they slept with, stay in failed marriages, drive their relatives to the airport, attend annoying parties, smile and pretend to like other people’s children and endure many other situations which any normal person will just forget and move on. A person with giant guilt remembers every uncomfortable situation, every time they hurt, offended or refused someone whatever that someone wanted at the time. A person with giant guilt collects these memories and relives them at random, every one of them is still fresh and just as painful as it was on the day when it was etched in the brain. A person with giant guilt is terrified to impose, lead-on and break up. A person with giant guilt will push people away just so none of these things would happen.
Once in a while I think that my giant guilt is buried so deep that maybe I can do something that will not be added to my collection of the giant guilt memories. That’s when it pops up and makes me do stupid things like deleting blogs and whatever else I need to do to beat it back in. I learned to live with it but I imagine my tombstone will read : “I am sorry you had to come here and see me put in the dirt. Meesha.V”.
I am sorry that I disappointed and hurt people who did not deserve it. It may be a cliché to say that I feel worse about it than you do but trust me (if you can) – it’s true.

With that in mind I decided to continue to blog. I kinda missed it. Sorry.